Hindi ko alam kung ano ang nararamdaman ko ngayon... I have a crush! Yes, after ilang months mula ng makilala ko siya I've been dying to tell that to everyone close to me kaso I was still on a denial stage since he's clearly not my type. But after weeks turn to months that the simple curiosity about this person turns to crush. Im hearing a lot of love songs people! FINALLY I GOT TO FEEL SOMETHING AGAIN!
Grabe, ang tagal bago ko i-admit sa sarili ko na after four years may crush na ulit ako na totoong hinahangaan ko, like my college professor & other crushes I had before the crash of 2006. Para akong teenager na kinikilig for just a mere thought of him. The difference is that, since he's clearly not the guy I'd normally crush on, hindi physical attributes ang rason kung bakit ko sya crush. Of course hindi naman yung tipong sinumpa ng langit at lupa ang hitsura nya, may face din naman sya pero hindi pa din eh. For those people na kilala ako alam na mala-hunk o kaya pang model/artista ang mga tipo kong gawing crush kasi crush lang naman. Sabi nga nila mangangarap ka rin lang naman to the highest level na kaya mostly ganun kaga-gwapo ang mga nagiging crush ko. But this guy is really different... I think he is a good person, no I take that back... I think he is A GREAT person.
Ang nakakainis lang na parte dito, hindi ko din alam kung alam nya na nage-exist ako!(O di ba, teenager na teenager ang dating?!) And I don't think this guy deserves someone like me. I mean, he is this goody good person with a great sense of self and who is responsible enough to make a living and then there's me... Hindi sa minamaliit ko ang sarili ko because I know I have good qualities din naman na pwedeng ipagmalaki, kaya lang I feel like the devil in his life kung sakaling the feeling is mutual, which I doubt. Hindi ko alam kung we are like the opposite-attract kind a thing, because I think we're too opposite to attract. May pagka-stalker kasi ako at mala-NBI ang halukay ko sa background ng buhay ng isang crush ko kaya kahit paano may alam ako tungkol sa kanya that's why I know he's way too good for me. Pero hindi naman yung tipong nagpapahalata ako. I manage to stay cool and collected in front of him.
Sabi nga ng best friend/cousin ko, I have to make myself a little bit approachable to this person kasi I have a tendency na masyadong defensive sa mga tao (especially na crush ko pa siya). She told me na, intimidating na nga ang dating ko (hindi naman siguro physical na dating ang ibig nyang sabihin noh?) I have to take it down a little para kung sakaling the feeling is mutual makalapit si crush. Problem is that I know myself too well at hindi ko kakayanin ata yun... I've done that before and there's nothing good for me after that.
Sabi ko nga sa bestfriend/cousin ko, IF the feeling is mutual, he just have to make it to the gate of the wall to knock & I know I'll let him in kasi sa tingin ko sya ang "mas" na dumating sa buhay ko ngayon at sa tingin ko hindi siya tulad ng kapitbahay ng pamilya ko. Alam kong iba siya at gawin nya lang ang pinakamahirap para sa kanya 'yun ay ang lapitan ako, hindi na siya ulit mahihirapan.
Well, here's Tina hoping... ^_^
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